Sexual Purity
Exodus 20:14
June 11, 2006 

      It's amazing how clearly the ancient writer of Proverbs nails modern times. He understood human nature. The issues he faced three millennia ago may be dressed a little differently but they are essentially the same in content. Listen to the following promotion by "the woman of folly" and the divine warning that follows.

The woman of folly is boisterous, she is naive, and knows nothing. She sits at the doorway of her house, on a seat by the high places of the city, calling to those who pass by, who are making their paths straight: "Whoever is naive, let him turn in here," and to him who lacks understanding she says, "Stolen water is sweet; and bread eaten in secret is pleasant." But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol (Proverbs 9:13-18, italics added). 

      Though he didn't have the benefit of this proverb, Joseph heeded its warnings. You recall the story, I'm sure. Joseph's brothers, jealous of the favor shown to him by his father and the success that he had in all his endeavors, sold him into slavery. He ended up as a servant to Potiphar, the captain of Pharaoh's bodyguard. Potiphar found Joseph so dependable, that he entrusted everything in his household to him.

      But Joseph, being a handsome man, caught the eye of Potiphar's wife. Day after day she sought to entice him into an adulterous relationship with her. Day after day he refused. Joseph stood his ground. "Behold with me here, my master does not concern himself with anything in the house, and he has put all that he owns in my charge. There is no one greater in this house than I, and he has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?" He saw restraint as a matter of personal integrity toward his master that he would not dare breach. He stood firmly on fidelity in marriage, that she was Potiphar's wife and not his own, and that to engage her proposal broke the trust of her marriage and his future marriage. And he saw this, not as a chance to satisfy his lusts, but as a "great evil" that would be sinning against God. Stolen water is sweet, she enticed. Bread eaten in secret is pleasant. "It's just the normal kind of desires and satisfactions that you need; go ahead Joseph and satisfy yourself! No one will ever know!" But Joseph did not believe the lies and the promotion of moral impurity that he heard day after day from Potiphar's wife. He was willing to be wronged and falsely accused by others in order to not sin against God by committing adultery. His integrity before the God who created him and redeemed him mattered more than passing lusts (Gen. 39:1-18).

      Admittedly, Joseph's story would not make the evening television dramas or become the object of the latest romance novel. It would be considered too corny, too boring, and too unrealistic. However, his story should burn truth in all of our hearts! Remember Joseph! Remember his faithfulness to the Lord in the face of temptation to immorality. "You shall not commit adultery," though written in stone at Sinai was understood by Joseph centuries earlier as expressive of God's moral character. The call to moral purity has never been more critical than now. God calls us to be holy people in our sexuality. But what does that look like? Is it possible in such a permissive society? 

I. Why is this command so important?

      Do we need to spend time in a Sunday morning worship service considering the 7th commandment? Obviously, we're doing so; yet not presumptuously. Every young person and adult among us has faced and continues to face temptations in this arena of sexual purity. The biggest battle we face is in our minds and how that affects our actions and relationships. "You shall not commit adultery" is one commandment that is known by virtually everyone in our nation. They probably cannot name most of the other commandments but they can this one. For one reason, it's regularly lampooned by entertainers and journalists and politicians. The nature of man reacts viscerally to anyone telling us "NOT." We don't want to be told "no" when it comes to satisfying our desires. The Lord God is commonly thought of as a celestial killjoy that seeks to rob humanity of all its fun; so He tells His creation, "You shall not commit adultery" in an effort to squash the very thing that the world tells us will bring the greatest delight. So, why is this command so important? Let me identify two particular reasons, though I'm sure we can name many more. First, we'll consider how the seventh commandment expresses the covenant loyalty of the Lord. Second, we'll notice how it frames the purpose of marriage in its fuller expression. 

      1. Covenant loyalty

      Each of the Ten Words has its roots in the moral character of the Lord God. When we identify the various attributes of the Lord, one of the first that we mention is "God's faithfulness." By that we refer to His dependability, His unchanging and unflinching loyalty toward the glory of His own name, and thus toward those who are called by His name. He can be counted on to fulfill His promises and His warnings. He doesn't change with the seasons or the passing of years. He enters into a covenantal relationship with us so that through Jesus Christ He binds us to Himself in an intense loyalty. He never leaves us or forsakes us (Heb. 13:5). He is called a Rock of Refuge, picturing His steadiness in the unchanging world about us. Many believers have found solace in difficult times by singing the words to the hymns, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and "A Mighty Fortress is our God," as they consider the multiplied ways that the Lord manifests faithfulness and dependability and loyalty.

      So what would He expect from those to whom He has given life and breath? We too are to manifest the same kind of faithfulness in our relationships, especially in the relationship that mirrors that of Christ and the Church. Paul gives the incomparable picture of Christ and the Church by giving to us the beauty of loyal love in marriage (Eph. 5:22-33). The wife subjects herself to her husband just as the church does to Christ. The husband loves his wife just as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her in His presence forever. Paul weaves marriage and Christ and the Church together, declaring that the love that husbands are to have for their wives is to be the same that they have for their own bodies, since the husband and wife are one flesh. Christ does the same, the apostle tells us. Covenant loyalty, faithfulness, dependability, intense love, and passionate service—all of these adjectives express the very reason why we are not to commit adultery. As husbands and wives, we are to mirror Christ's covenant loyalty toward the Church. Adultery is covenant disloyalty to your spouse or your future spouse.

      The Old Testament prophets also depict the Lord as the faithful husband and Israel or Judah as the disloyal, adulterous wife. For instance, in Ezekiel 23:37, the Lord declares of Israel, "For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands. Thus they have committed adultery with their idols and even caused their sons, whom they bore to Me, to pass through the fire to them as food." Idolatrous worship—an act of unfaithfulness that broke the covenant between the Lord and Israel was called adultery (cf. Jer. 3:6-10; 5:7-9). Hosea, a book that we recently studied together, contains some of the strongest language that helps us to see how disloyalty and unfaithfulness is adultery. Israel is told to put away her harlotry and adultery or else face Yahweh's judgment (Hos. 2:1-7).  

      2. Purpose of marriage

      Men did not invent marriage. God instituted marriage with Adam and Eve before they fell into sin. So, that means that without any distortion due to sin, the clearest picture of marriage came before the Fall. Genesis 2:18-25 sets forth the divine pattern for marriage. The Lord God declares, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." "Suitable" means one that corresponds with him; one that rightly fits him. The Lord then caused the animals to pass before Adam so that he named each one, "but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him." The intensity builds, as all of the animal kingdom failed to be "suitable" for Adam. Then the Lord put him into a deep sleep, took one of Adam's ribs, and out of that, "The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man." Look at the divine pattern: one man and one woman; that is God's design for marriage. He just as easily could have created another man for Adam. But a man would not correspond to him. He needed one to complete and complement him—that belongs only to the woman.

      Adam's joyous song follows: "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." And now Moses draws the conclusion and identifies the pattern for every marriage to follow: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." "Leaving and cleaving," as it has often been called, demonstrates more than just two people living under the same roof. It means that a new loyalty has developed; a covenant of faithfulness has been entered into. "And shall... be joined to his wife," refers to the intimacy that takes place in this new loyal relationship of marriage. They are cemented or glued together. That is best expressed through the conjugal relationship within marriage. Leaving and cleaving, and becoming one flesh focus the attention on the uniqueness of the marriage relationship as one that is to be enjoyed to the fullest and always to be kept inviolate, since the man and his wife are "one flesh."

      The marriage ordinance of Genesis 2 stands upon faithfulness. That's why, "You shall not commit adultery," guards the integrity of every marriage. Jesus Christ went back to this text as the foundation for His teaching on marriage and divorce (cf. Matthew 19:1-12). When the Pharisees asked if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason, Jesus' response begins with the affirmation that marriage must be between one man and one woman. "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female?" That is, He created them as complements to each other. Then He quotes the leaving and cleaving passage, and further makes this declaration. "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Adultery tears away at the "one flesh" of covenant loyalty in marriage. It is the "great evil...against God," as Joseph put it, attempting to separate what God has joined together in marriage. Further, they asked, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" His response explains that the only thing that can break this relationship is "immorality," the Greek word for any kind of sexual involvement apart from the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman (porneia). Divorce was a Mosaic concession not the divine purpose. "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way." In other words, this was never God's intention when He established marriage between one man and one woman. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality (porneia), and marries another woman commits adultery."

      But what if they "love" each other? What if they have prayed about it and believe that having sexual relationships apart from the one man/one woman covenant of marriage is not wrong for them because they love each other so much? It's still adultery in God's eyes, and must be avoided at all costs. God doesn't alter His moral character to fit the morality of a particular age. Neither should we who have been given His law.

II. How is this command violated?

      Many have a very narrow idea of what adultery means. Technically, it does mean sexual unfaithfulness within the covenant of marriage. But as with each of the Ten Commandments, the bare command is meant to be considered in its fuller content. That's what Jesus explained in the Sermon on the Mount. "You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery"; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt. 5:27-28). So the thought and intent within the heart violates the 7th commandment as well as the physical act. Obviously, the purpose of explaining this is to stop the pursuit of physically breaking the 7th commandment, as well as cutting it off at the source—our thought life. Further, as we've already noted with the other commandments, the prohibition also implies a positive action. So with these things in mind, let us consider how this command is violated. 
 

      1. By neglecting marital intimacy

      God's Word promotes healthy, vibrant, active sexuality within marriage. If you have any doubts about this, please read the Song of Solomon! It is a wonderful poem of love and passionate marital intimacy. Regarding it, Phil Ryken commented, "Although God's Word is never pornographic, it is unashamedly erotic. If this comes as an embarrassment to some Christians, it is only because we are more prudish than God is. The Bible celebrates the sexual act of love—exclusively within marriage (see Prov. 5:15-19)—as a gift from God" [Written in Stone, 153].

      When a married couple fails to see the special gift of God in their sexual union, or when they neglect cultivating this gift through continuing to develop the romance within marriage, then they have violated the positive intentions of the 7th commandment. Just as the command to not commit murder implies that we are to value and treasure relationships by protecting others, so the 7th commandment implies proper use. For within this commandment we are not only to forbid the misuse of God's gift of sexuality but we are also to have the proper use of it to the glory of God. Far too many marriages teeter by neglecting growth in intimacy. The wise Puritan preacher Thomas Watson had this to say about the positive virtues in this commandment.

It is not having a wife, but loving a wife, that makes a man live chastely. He who loves his wife, whom Solomon calls his fountain, will not go abroad to drink of muddy, poisoned waters. Pure conjugal love is a gift of God, and comes from heaven; but, like the vestal fire, it must be cherished, that it go not out. He who loves not his wife, is the likeliest person to embrace the bosom of a stranger [The Ten Commandments, 160-161]. 

      2. By substituting the world's portrayal of relationships

      Every where we turn, we find immodesty, impurity, and infidelity glamorized. Advertisements seek to show as much skin as possible to entice the mind. News reports focus on the supposed excitement of movie and music stars living adulterous lifestyles, breaking up with one lover to hop to another, whether heterosexual or homosexual. The pictures and descriptions of their affairs splash across the media to feed the flesh's cravings for impurity. Rarely is a wholesome marriage relationship featured in movies or television shows. It happens, but only occasionally.

      The world is sending us a message. "It's okay to do whatever you feel like doing. Don't pay attention to what God has declared. He's out to spoil your fun. Follow your feelings!" And with that, the world encourages indulging our thoughts and minds into the dangerous arenas of immorality's endless parade of sexual sins.

      If you are taking your cues from the world, whether movies, music, magazines—anything that fails to approach life from a biblical worldview—then you are heading in the path of destruction. Proverbs warns, "Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?" (6:27-28)

      John Bunyan's allegory, Holy War, warns of the failure to guard the Eyegate and the Eargate by which the enemies of our soul sneak into our lives to destroy us from within. Being involved in graphic sexual talk only stirs the imaginations toward adultery. Flirtation, that attempt to sexually appeal to the opposite sex, sets the stage for compromising one's moral purity. The blight of pornography sets many young men (and now, even young women) on the path to destruction. Behind virtually every sexual crime is a lifestyle of pornography. With most of the marriages that I've witnessed break apart due to adultery, pornography lay somewhere in the background. We must guard what websites we pull up, what emails we open from strange addresses, and by all means, we must avoid the infamous chat rooms that lure the mind to immorality.  

      3. By believing the world's lies

      The world tells you that apart from experimenting and indulging in sex outside the marriage covenant, you are a dull, outdated person. The world exaggerates by telling you that everyone is having sex outside marriage, so it can't be wrong. It won't matter, the world suggests, that you've lost your moral purity or that you've been unfaithful to your spouse. No one will know. You've got the right to be happy and to pursue whatever makes you happy. It's all about you!

      But God knows; and it is the Lord God that has called you to holiness and finding your joy in relationship to Him, not the ways of the world. Here's what the world doesn't tell you, as C.S. Lewis explains. "The male and the female were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on a sexual level, but totally combined." By that he meant that sexual union is never to be separated from the totality of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lives of a husband and wife. Sex is not an isolated act; it is only part of the whole framework for intimacy, love, and romance in marriage. Then he explained,  

The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to try to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again [quoted by Ryken, 155-156].  

      4. By an unhealthy thought life

      "People are looking for love, but they are settling for sex," writes Phil Ryken. And in the process, they indulge the thought life in thousands of images that titillate the senses, stir the imaginations, and stimulate the lusts of immorality. That's why Jesus explained that adultery is not just the physical act, it is what begins in the thought life (Matt. 5:27-28). Lusting is not the same as looking. Lust turns the object of a look into a source of sexual satisfaction. That means, if we are serious about what God has commanded, that we will place guards in our lives regarding what we read, what we view, what we listen to, and what conversations we engage in. It means that your spouse or your parents or your children ought to have free reign to check the history of your Internet activity. It means that you ought not to listen to any music that you would be ashamed for your parents or your pastor to listen to with you. I remember a time in high school when I was listening to a godless, crude group. They were probably mild by today's standards! My dad walked into the room right at the moment when they uttered a sexually crude remark. I probably turned a dozen shades of red! He didn't have to tell me to get rid of that recording. He didn't even say a word. I chunked it once I realized how utterly stupid it was of me to indulge my mind in that kind of language. Proverbs offers sound counsel for the thought life. "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life... Let your eyes look ahead and your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil" (4:23, 25-27). 

      5. By immodesty

      One of things that Proverbs warns against is the immodest woman. She uses her immodesty to advertise her desire for the illicit relationship (cf. Prov. 5-7). "You shall not commit adultery" is a call for each of us, especially our dear young ladies, to make sure that we do not dress in a way that provokes sexual desires in the opposite sex. Ligon Duncan stated it clearly. "If your clothing is provocative, even though it may be your heart's desire to remain pure for your spouse, you are sending the message to men, to boys, that you are ready for sexual activity now. You're sending a conflicting message and you're making it hard for your brother to remain pure" (www.fpcjackson.org "The Scarlet Letter," pg. 6]. Young ladies, if you have doubts about an article of clothing, ask your dad. Dads, tell the truth! This is not a matter of style; it is a matter of modesty and guarding your life and helping to guard your brothers in Christ. 

III. What are we to do to maintain moral purity?

      Let me close with four actions that I've presented before when we considered Christ's teaching on adultery in Matthew 5. I've borrowed several quotes from Martyn Lloyd-Jones, The Sermon on the Mount [249-251]. 

      (1) "We must never 'feed the flesh'." Paul put it so plainly, "Make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Rom 13:14). What are you feeding your imaginations that give rise to lust? Is it what you are watching or reading or the conversations your are having or some relationships in which you are engaged? If you are a kingdom citizen, then you must take action against them. Others might misunderstand you - but that is not your problem at this point. You must answer to the Lord of the Church, Jesus Christ. He that died for you demands that you not feed the flesh but instead, "put on the Lord Jesus Christ." Clothe yourself in Christ. 

      (2) "We must deliberately restrain the flesh and deal with every suggestion and insinuation of evil." Like the disciples, we must "watch and pray" so that we do not enter into temptation. Or like Paul, we are to discipline our bodies to keep from giving into lusts (I Cor 9:24-27). 

      (3) "We must realize once more the price that had to be paid to deliver us from sin." Let us think upon Jesus Christ dying for us! Paul tells us why He died, "Who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds" (Titus 2:14). He died to deliver us from sin - not so that we can frolic in sin but maintain purity as believers. 

      (4) We must "see our absolute need of the Holy Spirit." The power to deny the flesh and restrain the flesh and to deal with the suggestions of the imagination comes by the Holy Spirit enabling us. In a passage that Paul explains assurance for the believer, he tells us that Christians have a new obligation to live unto Christ by the Spirit. "So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh—for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live" (Rom 8:12-13). 

May the Lord give grace that we might reflect the purity and joy of Christ as Lord!

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