Dealing with Grief
I Samuel 31 - II Samuel 1
August 6, 2000

Earliest recollections of grief was Uncle Tom's death, 8 yrs old; Hal Kirby Jr., 11 yrs old. 

 - Assess Jonathan's life - Davis 182

1. Grief is demonstrative - public 

"The prospect of public grief is a scarce practice in our society, where we are so engaged in self-deception, pretending that everything is all right" (Brugggeman Interpretation 218).  Western society tends to keep it in, let it fester, rather than facing it.  David's grief was spontaneous, open and uninhibited (it was probably strange to the Amalekite).  Example:  One of my friend's dad died in tragic circumstances at the end of his teenage years; my friend put on a "happy face" during the time; but years of observation tell me that he never resolved this death, never grieved adequately, never expressed his heart-aching loss so that he could face the future as a better man.

 

2. Grief is shared

-          David and his men v. 1

-          David and the nations heritage v. 17-18

-          We identify with one another in grief

-          We are reminded of our own brevity of life

-          We are brought to reality of our humanity and that we are emotional creatures (remember that these were soldiers grieving)

-          We come back to reality of God's prerogative over our lives.

There is a difference between grief and sorrow.  Sorrow may end after a short while.  Grief tends to go on, intermittently squeezing the emotions and creating new adjustments.  Sorrow we "get over," grief may be for a lifetime! Example:  Andrew Bonar remembered his wife of 17 years' death each year in his diary. 

 

3. Grief is connected v. 12

-          Death touches so many people:  family members, church, neighbors, job, classmates, community

-          We must never think of our grief as solitary, for death strikes its grievous blow like the tentacles of an octopus.  Your grief may be intense because of proximity, but others grieve in their own way too.

-          E.g. the day John F. Kennedy Jr. died affected many

-          Grief as realism in David's lament

 

4. Grief is a celebration of life

-          How little do we celebrate life in the busy routine in which we live!

-          It offers reflection on the significant achievements, influence, impact of others. 

-          It helps us to understand the interrelatedness of "community"

-          In it we face the reality of life and death

5. Grief is a pause before change

-          David makes no mention of his kingship or plans for the future

-          Plans are laid aside:  change will be inevitable due to death, but it is essential to pause, reflect, and be silent.

-          It is a sober reminder that we do not ultimately control our lives, so we must take our hands off the reins.

-          Pause allows us time to learn from the events of death

-          E.g. visiting the Vietnam Memorial in D.C.; talking with Bobby Owens about his brother's death

 

6. Grief is a remembrance

-          David's lament, built on the refrain, "How have the mighty fallen," takes us to the place of reflection

-          Note what he does not tell:  Saul's failure, bitterness, attack and pursuit of David, share in failure; nor did he tell of Jonathan's deception toward Saul, preference for David, or disagreement with Saul.

-          Bruggeman:  "Death has a way of permitting us to focus on the larger realities, to transcend the details of hurt and affront" (216)

-          What does he stress:

o       Their courage in battle v. 22

o       Their partnership as king and crown prince, father and son v. 23

o       Their excellence in valor and might v. 23b

o       Saul's success in improving Israel v. 24

o       Jonathan's love - stress is on Jonathan's fidelity toward the one destined to take his crown

-          What David does not do:

o       Doesn't fault anyone

o       Doesn't sow seeds of bitterness

o       Doesn't use this to his advantage

The remembrance was necessary for David to keep perspective on the future and Israel to know God's faithfulness in the past.  (Note that singing was the instrument for remembrance).

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