The Wonder of Marriage
Genesis 2:18-25
May 14, 2000


Perspectives on marriage vary from person to person. Even among professing Christians, ideas and concepts of marriage take on more variety than can be imagined. Some consider marriage to be a necessary evil; others an enduring drudgery; still others something good if it lasts. The oddity among Christians seems to be that the media has more lasting effect upon their marriages than God's Word. As proof positive, a recent poll indicates that divorce among Baptists exceeds the national average!
I believe we can attribute much of this to an over-indulgence in what the media offers as stereotyped images of marriage. Dazzling actresses and "Prince Charming" actors portray an unrealistic world, while others sanction marital infidelity as the norm. Along with this many believers admit that they had few examples of healthy marriages in their developmental years. Their parents and older relatives did not communicate nor provide a proper picture of marital romance.
No one offers a "marriage boot camp" to help newlyweds understand and adjust to the realm of marriage; and rightly so, for each marriage involves unique personalities, backgrounds, and differences that cannot be uniformly squeezed into the same mold. Instead, we must seek to grasp the divine pattern demonstrated in the first marriage in order to chart a course for our own marriages. Time spent on understanding the nature of marriage can help us to invigorate our own marriages.
I do not propose that there are any simple, one-two-three solutions to marriage. Nor do I suggest that simply listening to a sermon or even attending a marital seminar invigorates marriage. It does take work and concerted effort to strengthen our marriages. There is no place for marriage on automatic pilot; such a marriage sets the stage for a likely crash. I have never seen a marriage that cannot be helped if both the husband and wife are committed to working on establishing their lives upon the foundation of God's Word. I realize that often, marital improvement is one-sided. But let this not be the case with any of us who claim to know Jesus Christ. Rather, let us consider the nature of marriage as expressed in the first marriage, so that we might invigorate our own marriages to the glory of God and the health of families.

I. Divine declaration
After declaring that all he created was "good" and "very good," the Lord God speaks of one thing that was not good. "It is not good for the man to be alone." God's solution came in the declaration: "I will make him a helper suitable for him." Here we have the beginning of the first marriage, the first male/female relationship. We could pause at this point and begin to guess what the Lord would make to correspond to the man. He did not make any creature of the animal world to correspond to the man. Nor did he make any geographical point or natural structure to correspond to the man. Nor did the Lord make another man to correspond to the man. Instead, the Lord made a woman, who alone could correspond to the man.



1. Assessment
We do not have eyes to see what the Lord saw. Imagine for a moment that as he had created the vastness of the world, he looks over every detail and only one thing was lacking. Of course, that was by design in order that the man might understand the perfect necessity of woman. "It is not good for the man to be alone."
What does it mean to be alone? Does this just have to do with a sense of geographical aloneness? I read of the man in Australia who has spent the last six months in the bush area alone, with the exception of coming out to refill his water tank. He was geographically lonely. But there are people who live in homes with other people who are still lonely. Loneliness goes beyond our "space" to the issue of relationships that touch us at the point of our physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual lives.
Adam had plenty to do, especially with all the array of animals the Lord brought his way, along with the work of the Garden of Eden. Loneliness is not the same as boredom or lack of responsibility. I think the key for understanding what is meant by loneliness is found in the term "suitable for him." The word has been translated as "like him" or "as agreeing to him" or "his counterpart" or "corresponding to him." H. C. Leupold writes of the woman, "She is the kind of help man needs, agreeing with him mentally, physically, spiritually. She is not an inferior being" [Exposition of Genesis, vol. I, 130].
When the Lord created man, he placed within him an intense social and emotional need for others. While social relationships can temporarily arrest this need, only the marriage relationship can fulfill it at the deepest level. This does not mean that simply going through a marriage ceremony and living in the same house will satisfy one's need. Here we find many couples erring in thinking that simply because they have a marriage certificate stating the fact of their marriage, they will find complete satisfaction in the relationship. A lot of married people are lonely, not because there is a problem with the institution of marriage, but because they have not developed their relationship with each other.

2. Solution
The Lord's solution to man's loneliness is found in the woman: "I will make him a helper suitable for him." The King James Version offers the quaint term, helpmeet, which implies a partner and counterpart to man. She would be like man in terms of humanity, but totally unlike man physically, emotionally, and socially. The Lord took a rib of Adam's to "build" Eve, so that the same genetic makeup is present. She is every bit as human as he is! But he did not create another man. Instead, Eve corresponded to Adam on every level; she complemented him at every point. Adam was exhilarated by what God had done!
It is important that we begin at this very point in strengthening our marriages or laying a foundation for a future marriage. Every husband must recognize that in the wife the Lord has given him, there is the deepest level of satisfaction and fulfillment. He or she may not be experiencing that level of satisfaction at this point, but that does not change the fact of it. Instead it only means there is work to be done. So start by confessing what the Scripture affirms: my marriage partner is my counterpart who corresponds to me at every level. There may be work that will need to take place to see this experientially, but we must start with this reality.
So often husbands and wives are trying to find that sense of fulfillment elsewhere. So they turn to work or recreation or other social outlets or finances or even Christian work. All of those things have their place and importance. But none of them will satisfy the relational loneliness of the human heart. We must see that God ordained that loneliness so that we might find the joy, delight, and fulfillment he has created in marriage.
Turn from the attitude that seeks to find your deepest human fulfillment in other things. We often "shoot ourselves in the foot" as far as our marriages. We want our marriages to improve and be a delight, but we fail to admit that our priorities may be out of sync; that our energies are directed toward finding fulfillment in the wrong arenas.
This does not mean that you will not find a level of fulfillment in your work or career or some other enterprise. But it does mean that none of those things are to be in competition with your marriage.

II. Marital foundation
As has been often pointed out, marriage is the first and most basic of human institutions. The Lord laid this foundation in the pristine atmosphere of the Garden of Eden before the Fall of man ruptured the holiness and balance of the world. I believe we can learn some helpful lessons by seeing how the Lord made the first marriage.

1. Observations
After stating that man needed "a helper suitable for him," the next verse declares, "Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name." So far so good. Adam has the delight of seeing the animal kingdom paraded before him, so that he might study them and name them. "The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him." Obviously, he was a man of extraordinary intelligence, unaffected at this point, of course, by sin or evil. The picture given is one of the man giving names to the animals that corresponded to their natures. So he was not just seeing a pig and saying, "Hey, pig sounds like a good name for you." There was something in the nature of the creature that required the specific name he gave.
But what was Adam really looking for? The Lord had declared the man's loneliness and his own divine intention of making a suitable companion for him. So it appears that Adam was looking for that companion throughout the animal world. As the master biologist, he studied the animals and understood their limitations and abilities. None of the animals corresponded to Adam! There were probably some great possibilities here. Adam could have picked the best dog on earth. He could have had his own pet elephant or zebra or even a tiger. As charming as the creatures might be, none met Adam on his level. He understood that the animal kingdom was different from him.
This naming of the animals also heightened Adam's understanding of his own loneliness. James Montgomery Boice wisely inserts, "Adam's first lesson was to learn to appreciate his wife" [Genesis: An Expositional Commentary, vol. I, 107]. After seeing every possibility in the animal kingdom, he knew without a doubt that none of those creatures could satisfy him on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. None corresponded to Adam.
Adam had to learn this through animals. We might need to learn it through other possibilities paraded before our eyes, whether jobs, projects, hobbies, or social circles. Just as Adam did not find the level of deepest human fulfillment in animals, neither will any of us find such fulfillment outside of a maturing marriage.

2. Elation
Next we find the Lord performing the first abdominal surgery and a bit of plastic surgery to finish. "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man, and brought her to the man." The biblical narrative does not tell us if any conversation took place between Adam and the Lord, as to whether there was a description of what was going to happen. Adam drifts into "never, never land" as the Lord removes the rib and secures the open wound. Then he fashions or literally, "builds" the woman from the rib. This is significant in that it demonstrates that Adam and Eve had the same genetic makeup. She was not outside humanity, but because of her heritage in Adam, there persists a continuity of the human race.
(By the way, I have never seen evolutionists explain to any degree of satisfaction or logic how the human race evolved simultaneously into males and females. But that is for another time!)
This is one of those scenes that I wish I could look in on. The first recorded words of mankind are found in the poetic elation Adam expresses over his first sight of Eve! The Hebrew brings out his repetitive, "This" or "this is it!"
This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
[This!] She shall be called Woman,
Because [this!] she was taken out of Man.
Evidently Adam understood something of what the Lord had done, for he declares that Eve, though different from him, is of the same "stuff" as is he. She was taken out of Adam and then brought to Adam by the Lord, then given to Adam as his corresponding helper. Derek Kidner explains that the whole scene "poignantly reveals him as a social being, made for fellowship, not power: he will not live until he loves, giving himself away (24) to another on his own level. So the woman is presented wholly as his partner and counterpart; nothing is yet said of her as childbearer. She is valued for herself alone" [Tyndale OT Commentary: Genesis, 65].
Adam sees Eve as his equal, not his competitor or one inferior to him. She is "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." He understood her nature, thus in naming her he takes a derivative of man and calls her "woman" (Hebrew, ish—man; ishshah—woman). At the deepest level of their beings, Adam and Eve stood as equals before God: (1) both spiritual beings made in the image of God; (2) both under the moral commands of God and having moral responsibilities; (3) both later guilty of disobeying God's command and therefore both judged; and (4) both are objects of God's grace in Christ [J. M. Boice, 109]. This does not mean they are the same in terms of function, roles, and unique gender traits. There are differences between men and women; anyone who denies this has shut their eyes and minds to common sense reality! But differences never imply inferiority or superiority. Instead, they set forth God-ordained roles for each gender.


III. Timeless instruction
With the marital foundation in mind, Moses adds, "For this reason," that is, for the reason that God established marriage, creating both man and woman in his own image, establishing the woman as the perfect completer of the man, "for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Each turn of phrase offers timeless instruction for marriage. I would point out four areas that are to be true of each marriage, if indeed we want to find the greatest fulfillment in the husband and wife relationship.

1. Newness
Marriage is not like living at home with your parents! "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother." The idea of leaving demonstrates that all other relationships are secondary, even those that are the most basic to life. The marriage relationship is of such importance and such fulfillment that it demands the establishment of a new home, new traditions, and a new inviolable partnership. In Jewish thought, the home was central to the whole community. Entire families, including father, mother, brothers, sisters, unmarried aunts and uncles, grandparents, might live together under one roof. But the day came when that single person in the home left to establish his own household with his wife.
With our mobile societies and children away at college, they often have moved out of their parent's home prior to marriage. Yet there is still a sense of dependence and accountability to the parents. That changes with marriage. A deeper, more intense loyalty and love must be established with the husband and wife. It is to exceed what they had in their home and it is to exceed even the love and loyalty they will feel for their own children. Nothing is more important for a family and even for a society, than for husbands and wives to passionately devote themselves to each other.

2. Permanence
The man being "joined to his wife" follows the newness of leaving and establishing one's own home. The term "joined" or "cleave to," implies a cementing or gluing together of the husband and wife at the deepest levels of their existence. While this joining is certainly expressed in the physical realm, it is also a joining together emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The whole personalities are brought together into an inviolable union. Paul explains this as a "great mystery" that has its antecedent in Christ and the church. This is the very reason we are told by our Lord, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matt. 19:6).
Our society has been marred by the alarming rate of divorce. Even more alarming is the fact that there does not appear to be any difference between the rate of divorce in those who profess to be Christians and those who do not. I know couples that have walked through great difficulties emerging with strong marriages because they decided together that divorce would never be an option for them. When we are joined together in marriage before God the word "divorce" should never be used toward one another. This does not mean that we do not have to work on the relationship!
The permanence of marriage demands that we take the time to cultivate our relationship as husband and wife. We will have to make changes along the way. We will have to occasionally have a "gut check" to remind ourselves of the price that must be paid to experience the most in marriage. We will have to learn to forgive each other, to be servants to each other, to accept each other, and to not try to turn our spouse into a different personality. As we grow together in the grace and knowledge of Christ, we will find our marital "glue" sticking tighter and tighter.

3. Oneness
The simple statement, "and they shall become one flesh," describes the vast difference between marriage and any other relationship. We must travel back to the Garden to see this, as Eve was fashioned from a rib taken out of Adam. Ray Ortland, Jr. captures this scene:
And what does marriage mean? What distinguishes this particular social institution? Moses reasons that marriage is the re-union of what was originally and literally one flesh—only now in a much more satisfying form, we would all agree. This is why "He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh." Becoming "one flesh" as husband and wife is symbolized and sealed by sexual union, it is true. But the "one flesh" relationship entails more than sex. It is the profound fusion of two lives into one, shared life together, by mutual consent and covenant of marriage. It is the complete and permanent giving over of oneself into a new circle of shared existence with one's partner [Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, ed. J. Piper and W. Grudem, 101].
This means that you live in such a way that you learn to accept each other, listen to each other, learn from each other, enjoy each other, and share the depths of your lives with each other. Oneness is developed over time, as we give ourselves to our spouse on every level out of the sheer delight and love we have for our marriage partner.

4. Openness
The last statement often meets with strange looks in our fashion-conscious society: "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." In the next chapter we can see that this changed once Adam and Eve fell into sin, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked" (3:7). So what is the significance of the statement about their nakedness and no shame? There was nothing hidden between them. They had perfect communication, verbally and in spirit. Their souls were wedded completely so that they were enraptured by each other. They did not have to cover up their actions or deceive with their words or twist things to make their behavior look better. They did not have to impress each other nor manipulate each other. They were completely open in their relationships.
The Fall affected our ability to be open. The typical marriage meets with its greatest struggle in this very area: little or no communication. Husbands and wives often exist together under the same roof and perhaps eating at the same table, but they have nothing in common nor do they communicate. They stay busy with their own lives, their own objectives, but they do not take the time necessary to talk with each other and open their lives to each other. They are inhibited in their intimacy as well as relational development.
Communication does not happen through reading a book or going to a seminar. It happens when a husband and wife clears their calendar, look each other in the eyes, and begin to open up with acceptance and affirmation of each other.

Conclusion
The foundation for marriage is set forth in simple language in our text. It is there for each of us to think upon and take action. Perhaps there are a few things in this study that have come to your attention that need action. Then do it! Do not wait until your marriage is in irreparable shape. Build a healthy marriage that allows you to see the wonder of marriage built by the Lord.

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