Honoring Marriage

Hebrews 13:4

May 9, 2004

 

John Brown, a Scottish pastor in the 19th century, commented on the necessity of family stability for the whole of society. "A family is the elementary form of human society, the germ of nations and churches; and the relation in which families originate is the foundation of all other human relations. The institution which forms that relation must of course be of peculiar importance." This institution, of course, is marriage. He continues by setting forth what God's Word means by marriage, "In its primitive and only legitimate form, it is the union of one man and one woman for life; and just in proportion as it has preserved this form, has served its purpose, in distinguishing man from the brute creation, in excluding the disorders of licentiousness, and in cultivating the best affections of the heart" [Geneva Series of Commentaries: Hebrews, (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth, 1994 from 1862 edition), 678].

 

I'm quite confident that should John Brown's comments be aired in a national forum, responses would flood in condemning it as bigoted, Puritanical, and rightwing. Yet all that Brown did was assess God's design for marriage and the human family. But this design is under siege. A more current example might prove helpful.

 

Just a few weeks ago, David Dockery of Union University preached at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, telling of last year's commencement address at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., a prestigious Catholic university.

 

The speaker was the Cardinal from Nigeria, Francis Arinze, who also serves as the head of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue. Cardinal Arinze boldly told the Class of 2003 at Georgetown University that happiness is not found in the pursuit of material wealth or pleasures of the flesh, but by fervently adhering to convictional beliefs.

 

He went on to say that in many parts of the world the family is under siege as a result of what he called an anti-life mentality, evident in advocacy for abortion, infanticide, and euthanasia. Instead of the family being honored, he said, today it is scorned. It is banalized by pornography, desecrated by fornication and adultery, mocked by homosexuality, sabotaged by irregular unions, and cut in two by divorce.

 

We might think that a message like this at a church-related institution should not be unexpected-yet, people got up to leave in protest in the middle of the speech and 70 faculty members signed a stinging letter charging Cardinal Arinze with "inappropriate remarks" ["A Prayer for the Church," Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, April 13, 2004].

 

Unfortunately, the most vocal of public opinion-not necessarily the majority, though inching that way-would express the same anger at anyone standing for the traditional, biblically designed family. This is no time for us to sit on the sidelines as uninvolved observers as marriage faces the most undermining assaults since perhaps the ancient Greek and Roman eras.

 

As the writer of Hebrews ends his staggering epistle in which he set forth the glory of Christ as Prophet, Priest, and King, he ends by assuring the Christian community of the unshakable nature of Christ's kingdom (12:25-29). Then he gives a series of instructions on how Christians are to live in light of this kingdom, dealing with relations, money, leadership in church life, etc. Right in the middle of his instructions he gives a summary word on marriage, and how honorable marriage is to the whole of humanity.

 

His instruction holds critical importance in our day. We cannot take for granted the certainty of the institution of marriage. As kingdom citizens we must set the pace by modeling God's design for marriage and family. Will you honor marriage as God has designed it?

 

I. What shall we think of marriage?

 

The attitude we display and comments we make concerning marriage either reinforces God's design or plays into the schemes of those undermining the family. I am not into conspiracy theories, so I do not approach this subject as an alarmist. But I am alarmed because of the constant bombardment of the traditional family in recent days. Part of the problem must be laid at the feet of the Christian community's passivity.

 

Recently, my wife's sister had gotten together for a meal with a number of ladies from her church. As the conversation progressed, someone brought up the subject of "gay marriages." To her dismay, her sister was the only one of the group that stood firmly against it. The rest simply acquiesced to the popular egalitarian trend that shrugs, 'if it doesn't bother them it doesn't bother me'. The group acted appalled that Amy found anything wrong with it. These were not leftwing radicals. They are church ladies in suburban Atlanta.

 

Just this week the United Methodist Church defeated by a fairly narrow margin, 527-423, a measure stating that the Church acknowledges differing opinions among its members regarding homosexuality [Washington Times, 5 May 2004]. Ironically, this vote came after the UMC had voted overwhelmingly to "support laws in civil society that define marriage as the union of one man and one woman" [www.bpnews.net, 5/11/2004, pg. 1]. Yet the same meeting failed to remove an openly lesbian clergywoman who was found "not guilty by a Seattle area clergy jury of 'practices incompatible with Christian teaching'" [ibid. pg 2].

 

At the heart of all of this is the question, "What shall we think of marriage?" Will we allow the media or special interest groups or a bevy of film stars to reorient our thinking on marriage? We must return to the source, the Word of God, to understand marriage.

 

1. No question 

 

The Bible is not silent on the subject of marriage. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all." The Greek is intensely strong with the imperative verb assumed: "In honor marriage among all." But what is meant by "marriage"? Does the Scripture give leeway on this so that we can fill in the blanks with each society and age? Unless we turn to the authoritative source for all moral behavior then we leave ourselves to the whims of society. And that's not a pretty sight right now! Where did marriage begin? Consider the description given of Adam's special need, the creation of the woman, and the divine institution of marriage as the foundational institution for all human society.

Then the Lord God said, "it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him"... So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

"This is now bone of my bones,

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man."

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh (Gen. 2:18, 21-24).

God could just as easily have created a man out of the rib as a woman, but He didn't. Adam's search of all created order for an appropriate one corresponding to him proved fruitless (Gen. 2:19-20). He was able to give names to all the creatures, "but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him." So God the Creator took the initiative to fill that gapping need in Adam. He created Eve "and brought her to the man." Adam's exhilarating poetic verse (the first poem in history asserts the unique oneness found in marriage) expresses his profound delight in the woman. Then the Word of God makes this foundational statement: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

 

The New Testament and the balance of the Old Testament, echoes this foundational statement. Jesus affirmed His own view of marriage as He quoted this same passage in answer to a question regarding divorce (Matt 19:5-6), adding, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (i.e., man and woman in the inviolability of marriage). Paul quotes the same in Ephesians 5:31, as he gives the most comprehensive statement on marriage in the Scripture. As Peter addresses husbands, he clearly identifies the wife as a woman, "live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker [the idea suggests the fragility of something of great value and worth], since she is a woman" (I Pet. 3:7).

 

This ought to be clear. However, when the authority and fidelity of God's Word is denied, then anything goes. So in our day we have a proliferation of debates on who can be married. Congress debates adding a constitutional amendment declaring the only legitimate marriage to be between a man and a woman. Our own state government recently wrote it into law that the only lawful marriage is between a man and a woman.

 

The major opposition to settling the furor over what constitutes a legitimate marriage comes from the gay and lesbian community, and those sympathetic to their lifestyles. The Bible never even hints at approving such a lifestyle, rather it speaks with the strongest judgment against homosexuality. In Moses' comments on the extent of the seventh commandment regarding moral purity, Leviticus 18:22 makes it clear, "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." God's judgment on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah for their open practice of homosexuality verifies the divine attitude toward this sin. "Ah, but that is the Old Testament," someone says. "The New Testament is different. Everything is love, love, love!"

 

We can be equally clear about this in the New Testament. Romans 1:18-32 shows the downward spiral of society in rebellion against the revelation of God in nature and conscience. When man begins to think that he is so wise that he does not need to honor God by conformity to His law, God gives man over to his own sinful desires. This is not a blessing but a divine judgment. "Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen." Now, notice how Paul describes the result of man in opposition to God. "For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error" (Rom. 1:24-27). He is speaking precisely about the practices of gays and lesbians in our society. If we expounded the balance of this chapter we would also see that as this lifestyle is accepted in society it creates a further downward spiral upon the broader population (Rom. 1:28-32).

 

To make it clearer, if it's not already, I Corinthians 6:9-11 declares that neither the effeminate nor homosexuals "will inherit the kingdom of God." The mercy of God is found there as well because some of the Corinthians were effeminate and homosexuals, but, as Paul put it, "but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God." The gospel of Christ delivered them from the bondage of this sinful lifestyle and the judgment due them. Revelation 21:8 further explains that the "immoral person"-a broad term that includes homosexuality and adultery-will have their part "in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone."

 

But this is scorned by a segment of our society that wants to legitimize the marriage between two men or two women. Whenever moral objections are made to such illegitimate unions, cries of "bigots, homophobes" rings in deafening voices. John Piper expresses well why as Christians we must speak out on this issue.

God's judgment on homosexual and lesbian relationships is not because he is a killjoy, but because he is opposed to what kills joy. And our opposition to such partnerships is not because of some knee-jerk homophobia, as they say again and again, but because of a settled and reasonable conviction that God knows better than anybody what is good for us and for society [www.soundofgrace.com/piper91/08-11-91.htm, page 3].

There is no question about what the Bible says on this subject or what is right in the eyes of God. Those arguing against marriage being only legitimate between a man and a woman demonstrate an arrogant disregard for the Word of God. But how did this even become an issue?

 

2. Right perspective

 

I think it is found precisely in the adjective our text uses to describe the proper view of marriage: "Marriage is to be held in honor among all." To begin with, he does not leave anyone out. "Among all" universally applies this concise statement on marriage. Again, the context is so important. As kingdom citizens, we must lead the way for the rest of society in showing the right perspective on marriage. The word "honor" implies that marriage must be considered precious or valuable or esteemed. It expresses recognizing something of great worth that is worthy of treasuring and respecting. "Marriage" is the noun that "honor" modifies.

 

This early Christian community faced a dual problem regarding marriage. Asceticism emerged as a view that considered celibacy to be superior to marriage in order to reach perfection. This spawned the first monastic movement that later rose in prominence in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th centuries. So some denigrated marriage as second-class spirituality, and unworthy of the Christian's attention. But the pastoral writer upbraids them. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all."

 

The other side of the problem was libertinism, which saw marriage as irrelevant and unbridled sexual fulfillment as one's native right. Obviously, we seem to have more of this problem than the former as the continued erosion of a proper view of marriage crumbles the foundation of any society [see Kent Hughes discussion, Hebrews: An Anchor for the Soul,  (Wheaton: Crossway Publications, 1993), vol. II, 216].

 

Some applications need to be made regarding honoring marriage. One has to do with the idea of singleness. I Corinthians 7 provides the only legitimate reason for not marrying, and that is for devoting yourself entirely to the service of God. Only those who are given the gift of celibacy for this purpose should consider lifelong singleness (7:7). Otherwise, as Al Mohler expressed regarding the Bible's teaching, "The default position for adults is marriage" [www.9marks.org interview with Mark Dever, May 2003]. Mohler went on to point out that the delay of marriage among young adults is a major demonstration of how we've weakened our convictions about marriage even in the Christian community. He said, "What we've developed in the church is extended adolescence... we need to get back where adulthood equals marriage." Even among Christian young people, singleness is viewed quite often from the wrong perspective, that of valuing singleness for the wrong reasons: so that you will not have to face the responsibility of caring for a spouse, so that you might spend more time in recreation and personal pleasure, so that you will not be bothered with the possibility of children, and so that you will not have to face the adjustments and maturity necessary in marriage.

 

I realize that I'm dealing with a delicate issue. But if we are going to honor marriage, then it is important as a young person that you develop the mindset that unless God gives you the gift of singleness so that you might serve Him in unique ways requiring singleness, then you will prepare for and pray toward marrying, yet only in Christ.

 

Another important issue is to realize that every type of sexual immorality is an act of dishonoring marriage. The only place for sexual intimacy is within the bonds of marriage between one man and one woman committed to each other "till death do us part." That reflects the moral nature of our holy Creator. So any engagement in sexual relations before marriage or outside marriage dishonors marriage, and thus dishonors the Lord. Our society is increasingly sex-crazed. All of this, whether in advertisements or television shows or movies or music or fashion, subtly undermines the God-ordained institution of marriage. It is up to you to see marriage as a gift of God, to cultivate it as a divine trust, and enjoy it by investing the preparation (if you are single) and the attention (if you are married) "honor" calls for.

 

II. How shall we guard marriage?

 

The writer uses a euphemism for marital love to make his point on guarding marriage: "and the marriage bed is to be undefiled." Again, the Greek compresses this into an emphatic phrase, "the marriage bed undefiled." That same term, "undefiled," is used to describe Jesus Christ earlier in this epistle (7:26). It refers to purity in both a religious and moral sense. The antonym means to stain or pollute or corrupt (Greek miasma from which we get the English word, "miasmas" that means pollution). So as he exhorts all of us to honor marriage as a treasure from God to be held in greatest appreciation, we are to also guard the intimacy that belongs only to marriage-to keep it from any pollution or stain or corruption by infidelity or premarital involvement or pornography or any homosexual practices. So how are we to guard marriage?

 

1. Strive to build intimacy

 

We are all familiar with the seventh commandment, "You shall not commit adultery." We know that it is a clear prohibition against any unfaithfulness during marriage or even before marriage that would dishonor the purity of marriage vows, or as we've seen, dishonor even the institution of marriage. But the prohibitions only form one side of the equation. Negative commands serve to exhort the positive, right practice as well. For instance, the command, "You shall not murder," very clearly also means that we are to "love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus certainly amplified on this in the Sermon on the Mount and other places. Even so, the prohibition, "and the marriage bed is to be undefiled," carries with it the positive inferences of building the God-given gift of intimacy in marriage.

 

Evidently, some in Corinth thought it to be spiritual if they neglected giving attention to developing intimacy in marriage. But Paul rebukes them! "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Cor. 7:5). The Song of Solomon provides in poetic language, the most incredible description of developing marital love. It is a God-given encouragement for building intimacy in marriage. It stands in stark contrast to the ugly, impure picture of sexuality promoted by the movie and television industry of our day. If an entire book in the canon of Holy Scripture is given for the purpose of instructing us in marital intimacy, then we can rest assured that every married couple must strive to build and enjoy the intimacy God intends between a husband and wife.

 

2. Resist the immoral and impure

 

Yet in order to do this we must resist the immoral and impure tendencies of our day. Rome, Corinth, and Ephesus, among others, treated a monogamous relationship with contempt. They could not understand how Christians, some of whom had previously engaged in all manner of immorality, stood firmly upon marital purity and contentment. The Roman governor Pliny, reporting to Emperor Trajan his dismay of Christians, wrote, "They bound themselves by oath, not for any criminal end, but to avoid theft or adultery, never to break their word...." Kent Hughes adds, "Christian sexual morality was unique in the pagan world and a source of wonder. And it has become increasingly so today in a world that considers adultery irrelevant, purity abnormal, and sex a "right" (how ever and with whomever one may get it) and that has invented the egregious term "recreational sex"" [217].

 

The glorifying and glamorizing of immorality, and unfaithfulness in marriage, has led to a proliferation of illegitimacy, abortion, suicide, mental and emotional problems, family breakdowns, crimes of all sort, rape, delinquency, and disease. We must guard against taking our cues for marital intimacy from the world. The marriage bed is to be "undefiled," i.e., not corrupted by the world (Heb 7:26; Jas 1:27; I Pet 1:4 show the use of the word in the NT). You will not strengthen your marital intimacy by indulging your minds in the steamy world of media immorality, whether via movies, television, magazines, or music. Let me be very frank. When you indulge your mind for so long on the glamorized portraits of sex that the world calls "normal"-and God calls sinful, then you will not have a healthy sexual relationship in marriage. The Bible celebrates sex in marriage alone. Any other attempt to satisfy this God-given desire for sexual intimacy, whether in mind or in act, will lead to personal destruction. Young people, anyone who has done marital counseling for a few years will tell you that many marriages begin with deeply fatal flaws because of sexual forays before marriage, along with indulging eyes, ears, and minds in sexually explicit material. You must heed the biblical warning just as those must who are married now. "The marriage bed is to be undefiled," not corrupted or shaped or influenced by the world. It will behoove every married couple to take special care that the gift of marital intimacy be celebrated according to God's design-not the world's perversion.

 

III. What happens to those rejecting God's design for marriage?

 

So much is packed into this one verse! It even tells God's disposition and action toward those that would dishonor marriage and the institution of marriage.

 

1. Morals matter

 

Let me be quite clear, a person can be the most moral individual in town and still spend eternity in hell. Good morals do not save anyone. Even one with good morals is still a sinner, and in need of Christ's redeeming work. That is borne out so clearly throughout this epistle (e.g., 2:9-18; 3:1-6; 4:1-16; 10:1-18). But morals do matter. For one thing, every person will be judged. Those that add corrupt morals to their list of sins will incur stricter judgment (see Paul's argument in Romans 1:18ff; I Corinthians 6:9-11). The reason is two-fold. On one hand it is a defiance of the holiness of God-a breaking of His moral law; and He will not be spurned without culpability. And the other demonstrates God's concern for the created order, since immoral behavior undermines the fabric of a just and wholesome society. That's why the words describing immoral behavior are encompassing: "for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

 

"Fornicators" is a translation of the word pornous from which we derive pornography. It literally means "immoral." According to Fritz Rienecker, "The word designates those persons who indulge in sexual relationships outside the marriage bond, both heterosexual and homosexual" [Linguistic Key to the Greek New Testament, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1980), 718, following Philip E. Hughes]. "Adulterers" distinguishes those who are unfaithful to the marriage vows. So when we combine both adjectives, every conceivable type of immoral behavior or practice is forbidden. The reason is because any type of immoral behavior undermines the God-given institution of marriage upon which the family and every society is built.

 

Destroy marriage and society crumbles with it. It is happening in other countries, and it's moving quickly into our own. Sweden legalized gay marriages in 1989. Since that time "the few young couples who do get married often do not like to admit it, since what they have done is so far out of the norm that they feel embarrassed" [Gene Edward Veith, "The Nordic Track," World, March 6, 2004, p. 22, referring to a report by Al Mohler]. The domino effect has led to the majority of births being illegitimate. The need for marriage to have children has been effectively undermined. One researcher wrote, "Scandinavian gay marriage has driven home the message that marriage itself is outdated, and that virtually any family form, including out-of-wedlock parenthood, is acceptable" [ibid, quoting Stanley Kurtz of the Hoover Institution].

 

We can believe that this will never happen to us. Frankly, I would never have guessed 20 years ago that I would have to identify these kinds of things in a sermon to a Southern Baptist Church! 

 

2. Judgment certain

 

Leon Morris comments, "All forms of sexual sin come under the judgment of God." We realize that to make such a statement in our day falls under the realm of intolerance, judgmentalism, and political incorrectness. The same was true in the first century. Morris continues, "This was a novel view to many in the first century. For them chastity was an unreasonable demand to make. It is one of the unrecognized miracles that Christians were able not only to make this demand but to make it stick" [Expositor's Bible Commentary, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996), 147, italics added]. The same stand for moral purity brings amazement in our day too! We must be diligent-as married and unmarried-to guard our lives from sexual immorality for two clear reasons: first, the testimony of the gospel is at stake among Christians. Second, God will judge this sin according to His authority. 

 

We know that God will judge all sin, so why point to these two particular terms for special judgment? I think several issues are at stake. First, the 7th Commandment, "You shall not commit adultery," calls for humanity created in God's image, to reflect the unity and purity of the Godhead. The sexual union is the most profound expression of unity between two people in marriage. It is a physical, emotional expression of the oneness between a husband and wife. This is why Paul warns that to join oneself to a harlot is to become "one" with her (I Cor 6:17). In addition, it is identified as sinning against one's body-the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor 6:18-19). It is why Moses in Genesis 2:24 describes the "cleaving" or cementing together in marriage expressed in sexual union, to be an inviolable joining of one man and one woman. 

 

Second, sexual immorality affects beyond the act. It shatters the divinely designed emotional psyche and inevitably lays siege against trust, purity, and intimacy in marriage. It strikes at the heart of the trust that is foundational in marriage and in other relationships. When marriage is undermined, other relationships crumble as well. Third, as the marriage relationship pictures the relationship of Christ to His Bride, the Church, to defile the purity of marital love affronts an eternal picture given to help us enjoy the blessings of Christ's redemptive work. Sexual sin destroys this image of Christ and the Church in the mind of those engaged in immorality. Fourth, sexual sin wrecks the larger community since those involved will inevitably sacrifice right thinking, holy living, and personal self-control to pursue it. They change their ethics to validate their lusts. Immorality breeds more immorality. Be assured, "Fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

 

Conclusion

 

Christian marriages testify of the grace of God at work in us. Let us jealously guard the honor of marriage as a gift from God and the foundation for order and justice in society. Are you guarding or undermining the God-given gift of marriage?

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