Jesus on Divorce

Matthew 5:31-32

July 28, 2002

 

Social liberals cannot help themselves. Even when statistical data flies in the face of their beliefs, they still choose to call black-white and white-black. Thursday's issue of the Commercial Appeal provided a government survey of 11,000 women regarding divorce and marriage. A representative from an organization called "Alternatives to Marriage Project," commented on the survey's results, "Most couples who decide to move in together do so because they take marriage very, very seriously." Yet the data proves that such a comment is false, since those couples have a considerably higher divorce rate than those that don't live together before marriage. These couples enter into a relationship with what they think is an easy escape route. They cannot get the escape route out of their minds even when they do marry, having treated the marital bond with contempt. Sadly, according to this survey, "half of U.S. women had lived with a partner by the time they turned 30" [Commercial Appeal, 7/25/02, A-4].

 

At issue in all of this is the basic foundation of marriage as the union under God of one man and one woman in a permanent, inviolable relationship that is to reflect the faithfulness and love evidenced between Jesus Christ and His bride - the Church. Carelessness and sin in marriage has staggered our nation with 43 percent of marriages ending in divorce within 15 years. "Till death do us part," is not just a catchy phrase, it is the divine will for marriage. Kingdom citizens are not to reflect the shifting values of the world regarding marriage but to mirror Christ and the Church. In light of this, what does Jesus Christ think about divorce?

 

I. Permanency of marriage

 

As with the other two commands that we have considered in Christ's explanation of the law, this one has a positive side to it. He is not addressing this subject in order to encourage divorce or to help troubled marriages find escape routes for dissolution. Instead, Jesus Christ is giving safeguards to help kingdom citizens understand that the effect of Christ's Lordship in our lives demands that we view marriage radically different than does the world. We are not to hop in and out of marriage. We are not to encounter a rough time and look for a means of divorce. We are to recognize the permanency of marriage.

 

1. Unique relationship

 

Jesus shows the serious and unique nature of marriage as he warns about divorce. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." In a companion passage later in Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus was asked if it was permissible to divorce one's wife for any reason. There was a big debate during that time on causes for divorce. The Shammai school of rabbinic thought considered that some type of impurity was rationale for divorce, while the Hillel school took a broad view - that most any displeasure that a man had with his wife would be cause for divorce. So if she burned the toast or had a bad hair day, he literally could sue for divorce. But Jesus' insistence shows that to do so would make him culpable as an adulterer. He explains that marriage is a unique relationship by asking if they have not read, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?" Then He asserts, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

 

All of us are involved in a variety of relationships. We have good, close friends. We have relationships with people on the job. We have family relationships with parents and children, aunts and uncles. But none of these relationships holds the uniqueness as that of marriage. You are not "one" with your aunt or uncle, or even with your children. However, the Creator has so designed men and women in terms of our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs that it is only within the framework of a permanent relationship of marriage that all of this fuses together into oneness. "So they are no longer two, but one flesh." The sexual union expresses this oneness, and as we saw in our previous study on 5:27-30, it is the deepest, most profound expression of love between a husband and wife. To engage in any type of sexual immorality strikes at the heart of marital oneness and the inviolable bond that God has given for husbands and wives only. This permanency is further seen in the command of Christ, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." This is the will of God for marriage!

 

Divorce tampers with the divine design. Rather than looking to the Lord for grace, wisdom, and strength in marital trouble, divorce plows ahead to find relief outside of the cross and the sufficiency of Christ. That is why Christ gives only a narrow place by way of concession for divorce.

 

2. Safeguard the relationship

 

Since this matter of divorce apart from the narrow exception clause causes the divorced parties to commit adultery, it is important that we consider some of the positive lessons that will help safeguard the marriage relationship.

 

First, for those of you that are single, you must be wise in your choice of a marriage partner. What are the guidelines that God's Word gives along this line? You are "not to be bound together with unbelievers" (II Cor 6:14). Righteousness and lawlessness, light and darkness cannot mix. "What has a believer in common with an unbeliever," Paul asks? If you are a Christian, then you must only marry within the family of Christ. "Evangelistic dating," as it has been called - where a Christian dates an unbeliever under the guise of winning them to Christ, is not God's will for your life. It is disobedience and God does not honor our disobedience. As a reinforcement to this, when Paul goes into lengthy discussion about singleness, marriage, and divorce, he comments that the wife whose husband is dead is free to be married, and adds, "only in the Lord." That is, marriage for a Christian is permissible only in marrying another Christian (I Cor 7:39).

 

Now I realize that this is not a panacea for all marriage trouble. There are an alarming number of professing Christians that divorce. So it is important that we take seriously the potential spouse's spiritual life. Does he/she give evidence of being regenerate? Does he/she seek to walk with Christ by faithfulness in spiritual disciplines? Is he/she faithful in church attendance and participation? Does he/she demonstrate spiritual and emotional maturity that can handle the demands of marriage? Does he/she have the type of personality and personal traits that will not wear thin with me, but will ultimately give me great satisfaction and delight for the rest of my life? Does he/she desire to serve Jesus Christ through whatever vocation he/she has chosen? Is there confirmation that this is God's will for my life to marry this person? Has that been confirmed by the godly counsel of those that love me and know me?

 

I know that most young couples do not ask these questions, but they need to. It is much better on the single-side of marriage to ask tough questions, and to give honest evaluations that lead to not pursuing marriage, than to get five or ten years down the road and wonder why you married that person.

 

Second, those that are already married need to build safeguards into their relationship. It begins by maintaining a healthy spiritual life - walking in faithfulness to Jesus Christ. You must focus upon the issue of oneness and the inviolability of your marriage vows. That means that you must have eyes for each other alone. Learn to give to each other, to serve each other, and to be devoted to meeting each other's needs. Find delight in doing this. Be committed to building up each other in the way that you talk to your spouse and in anything you might say about your spouse to another person. Be faithful in fulfilling your divinely ordained roles in marriage - the husband as the head loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife in submission as unto the Lord (cf. Eph 5:21-33), both, as Matt McCullough stated last week, "imaging the relationship of Christ to the Church." Determine that you will work through difficulties. You will have them. Everyone does. You did not pack a parachute when you walked down the aisle and covenanted before God to be faithful until parted by death, so open up the lines of communication with every difficulty. There is no bailing out. Leave divorce out of your vocabulary completely. Do not view it as an option so that you will look to Christ for direction in working through every wrinkle in the relationship.

 

II. Problem of divorce

 

We must keep in mind that the context of the question of divorce is in relationship to Jesus' exposition on adultery. He is addressing some common misunderstandings in his own day regarding marriage and divorce. So to understand how he viewed divorce we must begin with a little historical probing.

 

1. Historical problem

 

"It was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'." In Matthew 19:7, the Pharisees miss-categorize and essentially misquote this passage by asking, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" They were keenly interested in divorce while Jesus was concerned about marriage and its inviolability. Divorce was far too easy in the first century, even though according to Joachim Jeremias' research, the percentage of actual divorce was low by modern standards [Jerusalem in the Time of Jesus, page not noted]. The prevalent view was that of the noted scribe, Hillel that gave open-ended reasons for divorce as long as a certificate of divorce was granted.

 

The quotation regarding "a certificate of divorce," comes originally from Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and was given to "restrain frivolous, thoughtless and rash dismissal" of the wife [John Murray, Divorce, 9]. It was a deterrent to divorce, not an encouragement to it. For if the man made a hasty decision because of some issue with his wife, then this concession demanded that he could not later re-marry this woman if she had been married to another man and either divorced him or was a widow. The "certificate" was proof that she was not an adulterer, for adulterers were to be stoned. Instead, her divorce was due to the whims of her husband. The "certificate" protected her from criticisms and abuse.

 

But many of the men in Jesus' day were using the "certificate" to quickly rid one wife in order to take another. It was an instrument that promoted adultery. That is why Jesus warns about adultery taking place by lust in the heart rather than just the physical act. To violate the marriage vow in order to take another woman as a wife - regardless of the "certificate of divorce" - was nothing short of adultery.

 

2. Concession not command

 

Why was there a "certificate of divorce" allowed in the first place? We can be certain that this was not a command of God. For His command is clear, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Rather this was a concession due to the hardness of the people's hearts. Jesus' response to the Pharisees question about the command of Moses concerning the "certificate of divorce" was clear, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way" (19:8). There is no offense in marriage that receives a corresponding command by God to divorce. In the first place, we are to guard marriage as a sacred trust so that we commit no offense that would even bring up the subject of divorce. And secondly, the union made in marriage is an act of God. When Jesus states, "from the beginning it has not been this way," that is, divorcing one's spouse, He used a verb tense that implies, 'it has never been this way nor will it ever be this way.' In other words, God is not adjusting His gift of oneness in marriage to accommodate the prevailing views of sexuality in a given culture. Divorce is not to be an option for us.

 

III. Particular exception

 

Having made the point that the marriage relationship is to be permanent, "till death do us part," we must consider the "exception clause." Is there any time that divorce is permissible? Note, I did not ask whether there was a time that divorce is commanded by God; for there is no such time. Yet Jesus does state an exception clause in his brief excursus on divorce and marriage.

 

1. Covenant violation

 

Look at the words carefully. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." The words of Christ give no room for "irreconcilable differences" or the other popular reasons for divorce in our day. Paul puts it very plainly: "But to the married I give instruction, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife" (I Cor 7:10-11). If things get difficult because of some differences, and sadly, a divorce occurs, then the departing spouse must remain single or else seek reconciliation. But he does add one concession. If an unbelieving spouse leaves the believer, then, he writes, "the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases" (I Cor 7:15). Paul does identify abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, with the idea that the unbeliever has divorced the believer and not vice versa, as legitimate so that the believer is no longer under marital bonds to that person. I take that to mean that he or she is free to remarry.

 

On the other and, the exception clause that Christ identifies is "the reason of unchastity." That word has been much scrutinized. Some limit the word "unchastity" [porneias] to sexual impurity before the marriage took place. Others go so far as to call the marriage to really be the ancient Jewish betrothal period and not a marriage that has been consummated. But I do not see where either the context or the language lends favor to such interpretations. For one reason, He has just clearly addressed the subject of adultery, and the passage that He quotes from Deuteronomy quite clearly refers to someone that has already entered into marriage. The word "unchastity" is a broad term referring to any "extra-marital intercourse on the part of the wife" or husband as the case may be [TDNT, Vol. VI, 592]. Here is the point. If one marriage partner is unfaithful to the marriage covenant by engaging in sexual immorality, then the other spouse has a concession to divorce. It is not a command. Instead, even in the case of "unchastity," the Christian is to so look to the grace and sufficiency of Christ that he or she seeks to forgive and restore the relationship that has been broken by sexual sin. Just as the Lord sought the believer out in the midst of his sin and rebellion, the offended spouse is to seek the one that has wounded her/him for the purpose of reconciliation. But it may be that either the guilty party is unrepentant, or the one offended cannot bear the heavy emotional load brought on by such grievous sin. In such case a divorce is permitted, though it is not the best course of action.

 

In former times an adulterer (which is what is described by "unchastity") would be stoned to death. Here the divorce by the offended spouse is considered to carry the weight of stoning. It is as though the adulterer is dead, and the offended spouse is now free of the vow and obligation that took place in marriage. He or she is free to remarry. Sinclair Ferguson's comments may help at this point.

Jesus has in view the fact that in his society the divorced woman might be driven to remarry for the sake of her sustenance. Only in the case of adultery would such a remarriage not be an act of adultery itself.

 

Why is this? The explanation lies in the Old Testament law. The penalty for adultery in Jewish law was death (Lev. 20:10). Obviously, when this penalty was exacted, the marriage came to an abrupt end, and the living partner was free to marry again.

 

In Jesus' time (when Palestine was under Roman occupation), this death penalty was not carried out. The person who committed adultery lived. But Jesus' teaching seems to suggest the rightness of acting as if the penalty had been carried out. In this case, the wronged partner would be free to marry again. There was no contradiction of the Old Testament law in this [The Sermon on the Mount, 91, italics author's].


So in a sense, a stoning takes place when the exception clause is resorted to in the case of marital infidelity. It is not the ideal. But it does give concession to those under the unbearable strain of an unfaithful spouse.

 

Martyn Lloyd-Jones fully agrees:

We can say not only that a person who thus has divorced is wife because of her adultery is entitled to do so. We can go further and say that the divorce has ended the marriage, and that this man is now free and as a free man he is entitled to re-marriage. Divorce puts an end to this connection, our Lord Himself says so. His relationship to that woman is the same as if she were dead; and this innocent man is therefore entitled to re-marriage [The Sermon on the Mount, 261].


2. Divine will

 

But I must hasten to reinforce that divorce is not the divine will. It is a concession only that must be resorted to after all other means have been exhausted to restore the relationship.

 

However, none of us need reach that point if we will be faithful to the marriage vows that we have made before God and the world. The marriage relationship is so sacred, so honored by God that He has taken on the responsibility for joining a husband and wife together into an inviolable relationship. Hear again the words of Christ. "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

 

You can be assured that it is never the will of God for you to pursue an intimate relationship with someone other than your own spouse.

 

You can be assured that the will of God for you is to work through every conceivable level of trouble that you face as two people with different personalities and interests are joined together in marriage.

 

You can be assured that it is God's will for you to maintain your marriage vows.

 

You can be assured that it is God's will for you to part only by death.

 

You can be assured, if you are single and hope to be married, that God's will is for you to marry "only in the Lord."

 

You can be assured that God's will is for you to remain sexually pure, cherishing your virtue until that day in the bonds of marriage you can express the depth of marital love and affection through that gift of God.

 

Conclusion

 

"Till death do us part," is God's intention for our marriages. In light of this, if you are single, you must guard your emotions and desires so that you do not defile the marriage bond before marriage by immorality, and so that you seek to marry only in the Lord.

 

If you are married, then this passage encourages you to faithfulness to each other in marriage. Determine that you will not violate the sacred trust that you made with each other. Guard your hearts, your thought-life, you relationships, and all the while, deepen your devotion and service to each other. Take every problem to the cross of Christ. Find Christ to be sufficient as you work through any obstacles in your relationship.

 

For any among us that have been divorced, but not for the reason that our Lord prescribes, let me encourage you to seek the Lord. I quote the words of Martyn Lloyd-Jones that express my own sentiment to you:

...On the basis of the gospel and in the interest of truth I am compelled to say this: Even adultery is not the unforgivable sin. It is a terrible sin, but God forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside the love of God or outside His kingdom because of adultery. No; if you truly repent and realize the enormity of your sin and cast yourself upon the boundless love and mercy and grace of God, you can be forgive and I assure you of pardon But hear the words of our blessed Lord: 'Go, and sin no more' [261].  


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